I do love to run. Lately Meyka has been asking about my runs..."Where did you go today, Forrest?"
OK, things at work are BORING. They won't always be. But for now...BORING! I've done less than a dozen financial plans all year. One a month. A plan might take me about 10 hours or so to do. If (and that's a big "if") I have done a dozen, that would be 120 hours of real work all year. The other 1,172 hours of the year I've been sitting on my ass looking busy. A-a-a-a-gh!
I was doing recreational shopping in my spare time until the stock market went to hell, I found myself in a much too big house that I couldn't sell, and I started smothering under all the shit we have.
Miss M provided a lot of opportunities to shop by mail. UPS, FedEx, DHL, and the USPS know our address well. It was like perpetual Christmas for a while until I realized that I was spending a fortune on a Craigslist boat. Besides...I hate Christmas!
What else have I done with my time? I blogged for a while. I read other people's blogs for a while. I called people and chatted on the phone. I've read books, prayed, and meditated. I've planned elaborate methods to run away. I've job hunted. I've spread peanut butter and jelly time into two hour lunches. And now...I run.
I bring my little black short shorts to work. I plot elaborate tours on Google earth. I put on my music and I run. Supposedly it is for lunch time. But no one seems to notice if I'm here any more. So I run pre-lunch...post-lunch...mid-lunch.
If you run around an hour and a half...and have a two hour p&j...and meditate, read, and talk on the phone...and even occasionally work...somehow 8 hours goes by.
Now I got into a little trouble doing this before. Earlier in the year, I went to Charleston on business and decided to run over the Cooper River Bridge. Then when I was up on the bridge I spotted a big marina with lots of sailboats and I ran there. And then I walked up and down the docks and looked at all the sailboats. And then I ran back over the Cooper River Bridge all the way to my hotel. It was a long way.
No problemo. I had a great time. Except my right ankle swelled up like and orange and stayed so funky that I couldn't run again for months. That was about the time that I got diagnosed with cancer and it wasn't funny not to be able to exercise. Convalesced for months.
So-o-o-o...even if I can run forever. And even if I'd like to run forever. I have to keep my ankle in mind. I am being VERY careful. My max distance is 8 miles or so for now.
Of course no one understands this insanity. How could they? Insanity is insanity. Mine is pretty benign as long as I don't hurt myself. Or get fired. Eric Lidell in the movie Chariots of Fire said, "When I run I feel His pleasure." That stuck with me. I feel a whole lot of pleasure when I run, too.
So what am I plotting next. Well...I only live 7.5 miles from my cell...prison...torture chamber...I mean, work. And I think I'm going to start commuting by foot.
My only question is, are little black running short shorts business casual?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Delete!
I was all about deleting my blog. No posts in over a month. Another sacrifice to "so much to do...so little time." But I just can't pull the plug yet.
There has been so much awesome stuff that has gone down since my October 15 post.
Like...the experience of a lifetime--a ten day sailing adventure on our Rawson 30 sailboat.
And my first checkup since being diagnosed with cancer and finding out that though my imagination had my cancer taking on an "Alien-like" existence, it had not changed. And the doctor said not to think about him until next time. Don't think about cancer doctor...don't think about cancer doctor...don't think about cancer doctor.
And a whole mind (peace of mind!) shift through some books and other resources that I synchronistically got into: Pema Chodron's book The Places That Scare You led me to a Zencast on metta meditation that led me to audiodharma.org that led me to Gil Frondal's course on Introduction to Meditation that led me to appreciate Eckart Tolle's tapes and books.
I told my wife, Meyka, not to worry "I am not becoming a Hairy Krishna or anything." He-he! But it is helping. I was going crazy fighting time and life and all sorts of other non-winnable battles. Battles right between my ears!
So...even though I was ready to pull the plug on the blog. I couldn't do it yet. My friends Rob and Dana had my blog listed on their site. So at least for one more post it lives.
Delete Your Blog?
Delete This Blog This will permanently delete your blog including all your posts. You can create another blog at this address using the Google Account you're currently logged in with, however, we can't restore your posts once you choose to delete your blog.
There has been so much awesome stuff that has gone down since my October 15 post.
Like...the experience of a lifetime--a ten day sailing adventure on our Rawson 30 sailboat.
And my first checkup since being diagnosed with cancer and finding out that though my imagination had my cancer taking on an "Alien-like" existence, it had not changed. And the doctor said not to think about him until next time. Don't think about cancer doctor...don't think about cancer doctor...don't think about cancer doctor.
And a whole mind (peace of mind!) shift through some books and other resources that I synchronistically got into: Pema Chodron's book The Places That Scare You led me to a Zencast on metta meditation that led me to audiodharma.org that led me to Gil Frondal's course on Introduction to Meditation that led me to appreciate Eckart Tolle's tapes and books.
I told my wife, Meyka, not to worry "I am not becoming a Hairy Krishna or anything." He-he! But it is helping. I was going crazy fighting time and life and all sorts of other non-winnable battles. Battles right between my ears!
So...even though I was ready to pull the plug on the blog. I couldn't do it yet. My friends Rob and Dana had my blog listed on their site. So at least for one more post it lives.
Delete Your Blog?
Delete This Blog This will permanently delete your blog including all your posts. You can create another blog at this address using the Google Account you're currently logged in with, however, we can't restore your posts once you choose to delete your blog.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
No New Posts
My last post was on September 23 on the heels of the Triathlon. I was a picture takin' blog writin' fool there for a while. So what happened?
Well...I was captured by these little green men and taken up in their space ship and analyzed. But the last thing they did before they brought me back was erase my memory. So, I don't know what happened. Life...I think.
But enough is enough. I am therefore I blog.
I lost my ass in the market. There...I said it! I was deluded for a little while into thinking that I was a day trader. I had the formula. I could make $100 a day from home. I wasn't greedy. Stocks went up. Stocks went down. Buy when down and sell when up. And like the country bumpkin suckered by the pool shark, I fell for it. I bought and sold and took $9,870 to $13,000 in a month. Before long I could retire and do this on my boat.
My picks included such popular names as Washington Mutual, Merrill Lynch, Garmin, Whole Foods, Freddie Mac, AIG, and Sirius radio. B-a-a-a-h! My $13,000 went to $4,872. Just like Vegas but no cheap liquor or bosums to leer at while you lose.
The thing is that I know better. That makes it twice as tough. Thank God that I didn't try to grow my retirement or other investments. It was just some savings that I was either going to pay on our home loan. Pay off 6% debt and that is a guaranteed return. What a dummy!
The rest of our investments haven't fared so good either. I am diversified and use an asset allocation based on our time horizon and risk tolerance. But I wish it had been buried in the back yard.
I really don't watch it that closely or mess with it. But I do use Quicken and when I update, Quicken tells me my net worth. I am worth-less now!
These are genuinely hard times. I have never seen anything quite like this economic crisis in my life time. I remember when I was in the insurance industry selling life insurance products that were interest sensitive. At the times the policies were issued, they were paying 8-10% interest. An illustration of future values was included in the sale and policy delivery. The illustrations also showed what would happen to the policies if interest rates went to the minimum guaranteed rate of 4%.
Clients would ask about the 4% column and we would laughingly tell them that was just a worst case scenario "Ha! Ha! That column shows the worst case scenario. The REAL rate is 8%. The question is do you think we will ever see 4% interest?!"
Boy, were we dumb. Interest rates did go down and down and down. We weren't trying to deceive, we were deluded. Most of those policies sold during that time collapsed and many a law suit followed.
Our present economic reality is something equally inconceivable to me. I never thought that properly allocated portfolios could lose this much money.
I've never really believed in owning fixed income. But a time like this makes a believer out of me.
Sure my portfolio probable will recover over time. But how much time? I am getting to an age that I don't have that many recoveries in me.
I hope to retire in a few years. And once retired I will not be able to replace lost savings with earnings.
It makes me think. I am changing.
Can we learn? Sometimes I wonder. Human beings tend to have amnesia on things like this.
But I hope I have learned. I don't believe in speculating and gambling. I do believe in owning a mix of stocks and FIXED INCOME.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I Triathlon!!!
My family was warped forever at the first of many viewings of the movie "What About Bob?" A favorite scene is Bob strapped to the mast shouting to Dr. Marvin, "I sail! I sail!"
That phrase has been applied to many of our personal experiences--the most recent for me is a triathlon. "I Triathlon!"
A co-worker approached me many months ago about joining him and another BB&T person in the Wilmington YMCA Triathlon 2008. The website stated that it is "The biggest race in the NCTS, and the largest from Washington DC to Florida."
This would be a first for them and me. Wes would run, Cassie would swim, and I would bike. With my usual nerves of jello, I agreed.
Here's the team:
After I signed up, I found out in May that I had the "Big C". I also ended up having some problems with my ankle after I pulled a Forest Gump in Charleston--running over the Cooper River Bridge and never stopping.
Anticipating "suffering much at the hands of physicians" this fall, I officially resigned from the team. But whether from faith or procrastination, no replacement was found.
The seriousness of my commitment hit me when Wes emailed Cassie and me that the big event was in two weeks. My "oh s_ _ t" response was to climb back on my roadbike after MONTHS of not riding. My primary goal was to be able to use my clipless pedals well enough not to die on the road. If I was not an embarrassment to my team would be bonus.
I commuted on my road bike last week to cap off my diligent training. Not falling down at stop lights while clipping in and out proved a positive omen.
Friday, I picked up my packet at Two Wheeler Dealer. Official t-shirt in hand, the main prize of triathleting was mine.
1300 people were signed up. I was afraid I'd never even find my team! I was number 1275--an auspicious number.
Here's where the 1300 bicycles were racked.
We had our orientation Friday night. Instructions were to be on site by 6:00 a.m. We were up at 4:50 and there by 5:40. It was amazing.
The area was teaming with activity. I drank lots of coffee and shivered. Watched all the "serious" people. I was really pretty calm. Frankly, since God let me not have to swim, what did I have to complain about.
The swim was described as:
"Swim:This race starts out with a 1,500 meter swim - which is unusual for a sprint distance triathlon. The reason the swim is longer than the normal sprint distance swim is because the swim is a point-to-point swim that always takes place with an incoming tide. Check out the swim times from previous years – the swim actually seems more like 750 meters – 1,000 meters depending on how fast the current is moving. It is important to note that while this swim takes place in salt water – this is not an ocean swim. The swim takes place in a channel system between Wrightsville Beach and the mainland. Numerous buses are used to transport participants from the transition area (and swim finish location) to the swim start location at the Blockade Runner hotel. This is another race that becomes a race day decision for wetsuits – as the water temperature at this time of the year along the southern North Carolina coast is always around 78 degrees."
How would you like to be one of 15 waves of swimmers in the dark and cold doing that? Me either! Cassie did it though. She dreaded the run from Seapath to the transition area to hand off to me. Run...Cassie...Run!
My bike ride was sweet. Here is what they said about it:
"Bike:The course is flat (not a surprise) as the race is at the coast. The one loop course takes participants over the Wrightsville Beach drawbridge and onto the mainland. Participants need to be very careful crossing the metal grading on the drawbridge - don't make any sudden turns or movements (ride carefully!!)."
No problem. See Doug bike...
The run was a 5k. Wes was the man on that. Numero uno in our group.
Oh...the team name was "Babe and Boys for the T-shirt"...BB&T. Get it? Our employer.
Final standings? We were number 14 out of 43 relay teams. Not bad for novices.
The winners? They were gods. Swam in 16 minutes. Biked in 29 minutes. Ran in 18 minutes. Unbelievable.
All shapes and sizes do triathlons--from the gods to Clydesdales. We met a 79 year old gentleman that has done it for the past 28 of 30 years. Nice guy!
Meyka supported. Took pictures. Observed. Quietly decided "I'm going to do on of those some day." Added it to her Bucket List.
So...in case you wonder...I triathlon.
That phrase has been applied to many of our personal experiences--the most recent for me is a triathlon. "I Triathlon!"
A co-worker approached me many months ago about joining him and another BB&T person in the Wilmington YMCA Triathlon 2008. The website stated that it is "The biggest race in the NCTS, and the largest from Washington DC to Florida."
This would be a first for them and me. Wes would run, Cassie would swim, and I would bike. With my usual nerves of jello, I agreed.
Here's the team:
After I signed up, I found out in May that I had the "Big C". I also ended up having some problems with my ankle after I pulled a Forest Gump in Charleston--running over the Cooper River Bridge and never stopping.
Anticipating "suffering much at the hands of physicians" this fall, I officially resigned from the team. But whether from faith or procrastination, no replacement was found.
The seriousness of my commitment hit me when Wes emailed Cassie and me that the big event was in two weeks. My "oh s_ _ t" response was to climb back on my roadbike after MONTHS of not riding. My primary goal was to be able to use my clipless pedals well enough not to die on the road. If I was not an embarrassment to my team would be bonus.
I commuted on my road bike last week to cap off my diligent training. Not falling down at stop lights while clipping in and out proved a positive omen.
Friday, I picked up my packet at Two Wheeler Dealer. Official t-shirt in hand, the main prize of triathleting was mine.
1300 people were signed up. I was afraid I'd never even find my team! I was number 1275--an auspicious number.
Here's where the 1300 bicycles were racked.
We had our orientation Friday night. Instructions were to be on site by 6:00 a.m. We were up at 4:50 and there by 5:40. It was amazing.
The area was teaming with activity. I drank lots of coffee and shivered. Watched all the "serious" people. I was really pretty calm. Frankly, since God let me not have to swim, what did I have to complain about.
The swim was described as:
"Swim:This race starts out with a 1,500 meter swim - which is unusual for a sprint distance triathlon. The reason the swim is longer than the normal sprint distance swim is because the swim is a point-to-point swim that always takes place with an incoming tide. Check out the swim times from previous years – the swim actually seems more like 750 meters – 1,000 meters depending on how fast the current is moving. It is important to note that while this swim takes place in salt water – this is not an ocean swim. The swim takes place in a channel system between Wrightsville Beach and the mainland. Numerous buses are used to transport participants from the transition area (and swim finish location) to the swim start location at the Blockade Runner hotel. This is another race that becomes a race day decision for wetsuits – as the water temperature at this time of the year along the southern North Carolina coast is always around 78 degrees."
How would you like to be one of 15 waves of swimmers in the dark and cold doing that? Me either! Cassie did it though. She dreaded the run from Seapath to the transition area to hand off to me. Run...Cassie...Run!
My bike ride was sweet. Here is what they said about it:
"Bike:The course is flat (not a surprise) as the race is at the coast. The one loop course takes participants over the Wrightsville Beach drawbridge and onto the mainland. Participants need to be very careful crossing the metal grading on the drawbridge - don't make any sudden turns or movements (ride carefully!!)."
No problem. See Doug bike...
The run was a 5k. Wes was the man on that. Numero uno in our group.
Oh...the team name was "Babe and Boys for the T-shirt"...BB&T. Get it? Our employer.
Final standings? We were number 14 out of 43 relay teams. Not bad for novices.
The winners? They were gods. Swam in 16 minutes. Biked in 29 minutes. Ran in 18 minutes. Unbelievable.
All shapes and sizes do triathlons--from the gods to Clydesdales. We met a 79 year old gentleman that has done it for the past 28 of 30 years. Nice guy!
Meyka supported. Took pictures. Observed. Quietly decided "I'm going to do on of those some day." Added it to her Bucket List.
So...in case you wonder...I triathlon.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
That Lucky Old Sun
That Lucky Old Sun Lyrics
Artist: Frankie Laine (Buy Frankie Laine CDs)
Album: That Lucky Old Sun
That Lucky Old Sun
-Artist: Frankie Laine as sung on "Frankie Laine's Greatest Hits"
-Columbia CS 8636
-peak Billboard position #1 for 8 weeks in 1949
-competing versions charted by Vaughn Monroe (#6), Sarah Vaughan (# 14),
-Frank Sinatra (#16), Louis Armstrong (#19), and Bob Houston (#27)
-Words by Haven Gillespie and Music by Beasley Smith
Up in the mornin'
Out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
But that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day.
Fuss with my woman, toil for my kids
Sweat till I'm wrinkled and gray
While that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day
Dear Lord above, can't you know I'm pining, tears all in my eyes
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do
But roll around heaven all day
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do
But roll around heaven all day
Artist: Frankie Laine (Buy Frankie Laine CDs)
Album: That Lucky Old Sun
That Lucky Old Sun
-Artist: Frankie Laine as sung on "Frankie Laine's Greatest Hits"
-Columbia CS 8636
-peak Billboard position #1 for 8 weeks in 1949
-competing versions charted by Vaughn Monroe (#6), Sarah Vaughan (# 14),
-Frank Sinatra (#16), Louis Armstrong (#19), and Bob Houston (#27)
-Words by Haven Gillespie and Music by Beasley Smith
Up in the mornin'
Out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
But that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day.
Fuss with my woman, toil for my kids
Sweat till I'm wrinkled and gray
While that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day
Dear Lord above, can't you know I'm pining, tears all in my eyes
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do
But roll around heaven all day
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do
But roll around heaven all day
Is This All There Is?
A good friend talks about folk in recovery hitting a stage of "Is this all there is?"
After the chaos of addiction and other dysfunctional living, "normal" can seem pretty boring. When nothing is wrong (and you're used to something always being wrong)... it can feel like something is wrong.
Reflecting on being stuck in my home, in my job, in my life--I asked myself "What if this was all there was?"
Frankly, it ain't that bad. There is far more good in my life than bad. Instead of focusing on what is not what I want, there is a lot in my life that couldn't be better. Scare me!
If this was all there was...it would be pretty damn good.
So, today I am focusing on what I am content with. I am content with my bikes. The weather today. Being able to ride to work. My breakfast. How I feel today. The lack of pressure at work. Having a 9-5 job (no nights and weekends!) My boat. My MP3 player and the music that is on it. What I'm reading. What I'm learning right now. The person I'm married to. My friends. What I do for fun. What I do for therapy. Etc. Etc.
It's the etc. that I'm focusing on today. My friend sent me an email today from the Daily Dharma. A part of that quote is: "In the complexities of our minds and lives we easily forget the power of attention, yet without attention we live only on the surface of existence. It is just simple attention that allows us truly to listen to the song of a bird, to see deeply the glory of an autumn leaf, to touch the heart of another and be touched. We need to be fully present in order to love a single thing wholeheartedly. We need to be fully awake in this moment if we are to receive and respond to the learning inherent in it."
(Want to try the Daily Dharma? Subscribe here: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1102078752519&p=oi)
So I am going to pay simple attention to what I like about my life instead of what I don't. Wouldn't it be amazing if I actually became content.
Would I ask of contentment "Is this all there is?"
Check out this picture of me:
Do I look happier to you?
After the chaos of addiction and other dysfunctional living, "normal" can seem pretty boring. When nothing is wrong (and you're used to something always being wrong)... it can feel like something is wrong.
Reflecting on being stuck in my home, in my job, in my life--I asked myself "What if this was all there was?"
Frankly, it ain't that bad. There is far more good in my life than bad. Instead of focusing on what is not what I want, there is a lot in my life that couldn't be better. Scare me!
If this was all there was...it would be pretty damn good.
So, today I am focusing on what I am content with. I am content with my bikes. The weather today. Being able to ride to work. My breakfast. How I feel today. The lack of pressure at work. Having a 9-5 job (no nights and weekends!) My boat. My MP3 player and the music that is on it. What I'm reading. What I'm learning right now. The person I'm married to. My friends. What I do for fun. What I do for therapy. Etc. Etc.
It's the etc. that I'm focusing on today. My friend sent me an email today from the Daily Dharma. A part of that quote is: "In the complexities of our minds and lives we easily forget the power of attention, yet without attention we live only on the surface of existence. It is just simple attention that allows us truly to listen to the song of a bird, to see deeply the glory of an autumn leaf, to touch the heart of another and be touched. We need to be fully present in order to love a single thing wholeheartedly. We need to be fully awake in this moment if we are to receive and respond to the learning inherent in it."
(Want to try the Daily Dharma? Subscribe here: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1102078752519&p=oi)
So I am going to pay simple attention to what I like about my life instead of what I don't. Wouldn't it be amazing if I actually became content.
Would I ask of contentment "Is this all there is?"
Check out this picture of me:
Do I look happier to you?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Help Me...I'm Stuck!
Nothing is more panicky to me than feeling stuck.
Physically stuck in a tight place Stuck up a tree. Stuck on a roof.
Stuck in a lease.
Or more pertinent to this post...stuck with a house.
Meyka and I are living in about 1/3 of our house since Huston is gone. But we get to pay and maintain all of it.
Not in my priorities to be paying for what I'm not using! I have other goals that I would much rather use that money for.
And maintaining a house is NEVER my idea of a good time. When I lived in an apartment, I rode my bike tons. A favorite ride was on highway 150 in Greensboro. I would mock the poor male house slaves out mowing their lawns as I free spiritedly cycled away. "Fools", I thought. Now I is one!
After a drip campaign on Meyka, she finally agreed to have the real estate agent come by to discuss listing our home last night.
I didn't mess with this opportunity--I got the very best agent I could find...Buddy Blake. Buddy and his team are the kings of Wilmington real estate. If anyone could sell our house, Buddy could.
But Buddy dashed my hopes. Oh, the house could sell. IF I wanted to lose my a_ _ (donkey).
Now I like freedom. And I am really ready to start saving more $ for retirement. And I really, really want to sail away on a boat. But I have an aversion to losing $70,000 on a house in a little over a year. Call me stupid but....
So, I'm stuck. Biding my time for things to get better in New Jersey or wherever the next load of suckers...I mean, buyers...is going to come from.
It's OK. Thankfully, I can pay for this house. And it is a nice house. We are very happy in the 1/3 of it we actually use.
Buddy was very hopeful though that things would look up in 2010. Let's see, that is just 676,800 panic stricken minutes from now. Oh joy!
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